Dad: Here Gubs, try some sparkling water. With all of your refined tastes, this is the way to go. Gubs: Why would I do that? Sparkling water is like Angry Water. I am angry anyway.
Author: varp
20 Points
Wham! Bam! Pow! Whack! 4 straight hits to Daddy’s tummy, in quick succession. Dad: “Oww! Why did you do that Dumps?” Dumps (To the nearby sitting Anika): “Aneeeek, I get 4 points! 4 extra points!” A puzzled and hurting Dad turns to Anika and asks, what are these points Gubs? To which Anika responds…
A learned man getting wiser
After 15 days of a patient mommy teaching Dumps three words – Mama: “What is N-O?” Dumps: “No” Mama: “What is D-O-G?” Dumps: “Dog” Mama: “What is C-A-T?” Dumps: “Thermometer”
Anika to the rescue
Dumps is obsessed by his Thomas jacket. Wears it day and night, inside and outside. Obsession to the point of his Dad losing his hair, and his mom prematurely aging. Dad has taken Dumps aside multiple times and given him a lecture – “Pumpi, no Thomas jacket inside the house, only outside.” – with no…
A learned man
After 10 days of a patient mommy teaching Dumps three words – Mama: “What is N-O?” Dumps: “No” Mama: “What is D-O-G?” Dumps: “No” Mama: “What is C-A-T?” Dumps: “Meow”
Who did that?
Dumps has learned the crucial paradigm of intelligent life – Question Everything. Question Everything – even if, or especially if it means questioning yourself. While taking a shower, Dumps sprays water all over the bathroom floor. When Mama finds out and says “Oh no Pumpi!”, Dumps quips and says “Who did that??” Carrying a large…
First day of uniforms
Excited for a full week after the uniforms were bought. Dressing up and modeling in front of Mom and Dad every night. Wore it and struck a pose for Mama. And then heard that she will have to wear these EVERY day for the full year. Excitement diminished, but didn’t disappear.
Straaaiiight
Ms. Pandey has been spending the last two months in Bhopal, India, along with Dumps and Mama. Last night, as she was about to embark on the journey back to Calcutta, and then to San Jose in a week, she was in a particularly chatty mood. Dad: “Gubs, you know that you are going to…
Daddy Crying
Crying, screaming, shouting – all translate to crying for Dumps. Usually applicable to his i-am-always-unhappy-when-i-have-to-do-something-important little sister, Dumps always exclaims “Ta-ta crying” whenever such an episode is underway. Her hair being combed, glass of milk in front of her, or nightly brushing time, and we would hear Dumps state “Ta-ta crying, mmm, mmmm, mmm”. He…
The Jacket
A lovely Thomas Train jacket. Gifted lovingly by Dumps’ aunt while visiting Ireland. Dumps refuses to wear it all through his stay in Ireland. On the day back – 2 hours away from the flight – late as usual – a frantic Mama and Daddy trying to force the jacket over Dumps. Screaming, shouting, kicking,…
Eager shoppers
Mama was in the Indian supermarket, shopping for groceries. Gubs and Dumps were aimlessly checking out the store and re-arranging all the shelves. Mama finishes her shopping and proceeds to the cash counter to pay. To her surprise, she finds a Skittles bag in the cart! Mama: Where did this come from? Anika: That’s for…
Toys’R’Us
Screaming, shouting, flailing, wailing. There is always a kid with these symptoms right outside the exit gate of this store. Go figure. Dreading the day when Dumps will display these symptoms.
Becoming a girl
Feeling super-excited about Holi because it brings the prospect of painted nails. Asking Mama for a layer of tinted lip gel Choosing which dresses to wear to school – in fact, choosing which night clothes to sleep in Shoes! Shiny shiny shoes! My cuddly-cutie Gubsi is becoming a girl.
Cake! Part Deux
Shivaratri – an auspicous day for Hindus. Mama wanted to perform a small puja, and even the relatively non-religious Dad joined in. Anika expressed interest in running around with the puja bell. Hearing all the commotion, Dumps also joined the crowd. Dad took out two incense sticks and lit them up. Dumps bellowed the first…
Cake!
Dumps has attended quite a few Please-Spare-Daddy-The-Agony birthday parties recently. Considers himself a Pro. Dumps also likes cake. A Lot! Really. Seriously. So, when he is in a room with lit candles, he extrapolates, and hunts for that cake. If he finds one, he will run around shouting ‘moon – desparately searching for that spoon…
Burgeoning vocabulary
Ever since the San Diego trip during Christmas, Dumps has started repeating everything he hears, and has started using that vocabulary in speech. Car, cooker, ‘nana, this, and staar were pretty much all he said before visiting the hip town. And he came back hip-per. “Gon” – when Dada used to go to office. “O’er”…
The kid network
Anika’s favourite friend – Preethi – is moving to another school. Anika and Preethi were inseparable. Were. Mama and Daddy learned about this yesterday at a friend’s party. Mama and Daddy were depressed – to think that Anika’s world would not be the same again. Of course, not a word was whispered about this to Anika….
Man on a mission
Dumps has a desire to eat on his own. Let’s just say that it is merely a desire. Mama hands Pumps a peeled off banana, which Mr Pandey starts nibbling on. A few nibbles later, the desire to, let’s say, hug the stranded plush toy, or the desire to throw a few plates around, overpowers the desire…
Doctor’s Visit
Fall 2009, and flu is the topic of the season – well, at least when Tiger Woods is not. Shortage of seasonal flu vaccines, severe shortage of H1N1 flu vaccines, paranoid parents and sick kids. Ms. Pandey gets first preference on the flu vaccines and is taken to the doctor first, unannounced of course. A bit…
On-demand pee-pee
Daddy has been religiously taking Anika to the bathroom for a mid-slumber pee-pee session, not wanting a fiasco, especially given the freezing temperatures outside. Ms. Pandey, on the other hand, has been waking up every morning around 4am, walking over and then quietly slipping beside a grotesquely snoring Daddy. Perhaps it’s the nightmares – Mama…
le gourmand en fuite
As stated previously, an axiom of Dump’s personality is that he adores food – “edible” being just one attribute. Naturally, Mama and Daddy are eternally worried that a plastic bead is being swallowed, a fungal infection is being digested, or maybe the tummy is being washed down with a gulp of shampoo. So, if Dumps appears…
Gourmand
Dumps loves food. Rather, Dumps loves the idea of food. Heck, he loves anything that even looks like food. He can bend, stretch, crawl for any morsel. On the floor? No problem – it’s in the mouth now. Near the toilet seat? Did you say the area was dirty? Too late. What? Was that a…
Problem solving
When confronted with a question or a problem – Anika: Research, dig, tackle. If somewhat sure, make the move – gently, perfectly. If unsure, pass. Dumps: Look at the problem. Throw a solution. Did it stick? Next one.
Pavlov’s conversation
Daddy: “Daaaaa deee” Pumps: “Daaaaa daaa” Daddy: “Daaaaaaaa Deeeeeeee” Pumps: “Daaaaaaaa Daaaaaaaa” Daddy: “Daaaaaaaa DEEEEEEEE!” Pumps: “Daaaaaaaa DAAAAAAA!” End of conversation.
Musical Memory
Now this is stunning! Ms Pandey has recently turned into something of a Disney movie fan. Not the recent Pixar stuff, but old time classics such as Pinocchio, Robin Hood, Sleeping Beauty etc. And she cannot sit through whole movies yet, but the length of the snippets she can watch are definitely bloating in size….
The mischief gene
Well, it is always there for Miss Pandey, but it shows up very prominently when a catalyst is present. The strongest catalyst right now is her cousin Ved. Left to themselves, Miss Pandey and Ved are quite the quiet kinds – angels, some might proclaim. But throw them in a room together and you get…
Get to the point already
Pumps loves owls! Well, he loves to see pictures of owls. Can-NOT resist! And he recognizes all his books that have a picture of an owl hidden somewhere in their pages. So, imagine a quiet night before bedtime, where Mama or Daddy are trying to calm the fella down by reading him a nice book….
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